September 2025 Vlog
I feel like half of me has died.
In this conversation, Mary Beth and Linda explore the deep sense of loss widows and widowers feel—the idea that “half of me has died” when a spouse passes away. Using the analogy of becoming one in spirit with God at salvation, they compare marital unity to spiritual unity. They discuss how marriage roles—spouse, parent, coworker, ministry partner—shape identity and how their sudden absence can leave a person feeling split in two. Emphasis is placed on rediscovering one’s core identity as a child of God, building new routines, relying on church community, and taking small steps toward healing. Though grief is unique, God’s presence, purposeful roles, and eventual joy await those who press forward.
🙂 Spiritual identity and salvation
- At salvation we become one in spirit with God and receive our fundamental identity as children of God
- Our spirits are made perfect and forgiven at new birth, then grow through lifelong sanctification
🤝 Unity in marriage and loss
- Genesis 2:24 explains “become one flesh” as an ongoing process, not a one-time event
- Marriage creates a unique oneness—spiritually, emotionally, physically
- When a spouse dies, that intimate unity is abruptly severed, producing the “half of me” feeling
🔄 Sanctification and relational unity
- Sanctification parallels marriage growth: yielding to God vs. yielding to spouse
- Just as we grow to reflect Christ’s image, spouses grow to complement each other
- Over time couples can resemble each other in habits and even appearance
👥 Complementary roles in marriage
- Couples assume roles based on gifts and strengths: pastor/music team, office coordinator, caregiver
- Spouses function as a seamless unit: worship leader and accompanist, coordinator and planner
- Mutual feedback from spouse reinforces personal identity and gifts
🎭 Personal roles and post-loss adjustments
- Many roles continue after loss: parent, grandparent, employee
- Some roles end with a spouse’s death: the title “wife” or “husband” is complete
- Loss of shared functions (e.g., worship team) feels like part of one’s self is gone
🔍 Rediscovering personal identity
- Reflect back to core self before marriage—childhood passions and strengths
- Examples: 12-year-old adventurous self, the musician before meeting spouse
- Mentors encourage recognition of lifelong gifts independent of marriage
⏰ Establishing new daily routines
- Creating structure aids emotional processing: make the bed, get vertical, start small
- First hour belongs to God: coffee, exercise bike, prayer, and Bible study
- Word and Spirit act as a mirror revealing current identity and purpose
💒 Role of church and community support
- Church family affirms belonging and sees the individual beyond widow(er) label
- Regular interaction reminds one of continuing value and ongoing roles (grandmother, employee)
- Body of Christ called to assist widows and orphans in distress, filling gaps left by spouse
⚖️ Handling survivor guilt
- Particularly common among men who feel they failed to protect their spouse
- Survivors wrestle with “Why am I still here?” until they realize God’s purpose for their life remains
- Acknowledge grief but lean into belief that God has a reason for continued life
🛠️ Practical steps for rebuilding life
- Identify unmet needs once filled by spouse: practical tasks, emotional support, decision-making
- Seek help: learn new skills, ask friends or professionals, engage community resources
- Take one tiny step at a time toward new roles and activities
🎯 Purpose, meaning, and future perspective
- God remains close to the brokenhearted and hears their prayers
- Over time, new joy, adventure, and meaning emerge in a “new phase of life”
- Fun and fulfillment can return, as illustrated by mentor Vivian Smith’s “Let the fun begin” encouragement
🔚 Conclusions
- Feeling like “half of me has died” is a natural grief response to losing a unique marital unity
- Core identity as a child of God remains intact and foundational for rebuilding
- Through small steps, new routines, community support, and embracing God’s purpose, wholeness and joy can be rediscovered
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