October Vlog 2026

Sep 25

Written By Linda Smith and Mary Beth Woll

From “We” to “Me”:

Successfully Adjusting After the Loss of Your Spouse

By Mary Beth Woll

Losing a spouse changes every part of life. After years of living as “we,” you must learn how to live as “me.” The empty side of the bed, holidays, church, parenting, appointments, finances, household responsibilities, and countless everyday decisions can suddenly feel unfamiliar and overwhelming.

When my husband Bob died after nearly 39 years of marriage, it felt as though half of my body had been cut away. For 41 years, he had been part of my life. I would awaken hoping the next day might hurt less, but the pain seemed just as intense. Grief felt as if it would never end.

Yet healing came gradually. I pictured it moving upward from my toes as I became whole again. Four years after Bob’s death, I realized that the sun had come out again. I remembered him and missed him, but sorrow no longer covered everything.

Grief can feel endless, but it is not an enemy. It is a gift God gives us to release what we can no longer have in this life. Isaiah 61 speaks of God giving “the oil of joy instead of mourning” and “a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” This is an exchange. We will always remember those we love, but the sharp anguish of grief does not have to continue forever. For Christians, death is not the end of the relationship. We have the hope of seeing our loved ones again in heaven.

As you face the adjustments of widowhood, begin by resisting isolation. Grief is personal, but it was never meant to be carried alone. Seek safe people who will listen without trying to hurry your healing. Scripture tells us to weep with those who weep, and there is comfort in having others sit beside us in sorrow.

Second, bring every unfamiliar need to God. He promises to care for the widow and to give wisdom. After Bob died, I prayed, “Lord, I don’t know what to do. Please show me.” Sometimes He gave me ideas, even helping me figure out how to fix my dishwasher. At other times, He met a deeper need. One night at 1:30, overcome by loneliness, I cried out, “God, You said You would be my husband. I need You now.” Immediately, the telephone rang. It was my 91-year-old mother in Arizona. She told me the Holy Spirit had awakened her and said, “Call Mary Beth. She needs you.”

Finally, gather a trusted “board of directors” to help with the responsibilities and companionship your spouse once shared. It might include a pastor, close friend, doctor, attorney, mechanic, or helper. No one person can replace your spouse, but several people can support different parts of your life.

God knows exactly what you need. His comfort may come through His presence, another person, wise guidance, or unexpected provision. Call out to Him, remain connected, and allow trustworthy people to walk beside you, even on hard days. You do not have to face this journey alone.

Mary Beth Woll & Linda Smith
Healing Hope for the Widowed